Since it's been a while since my last non-angsty lj entry, I thought I might as well give a short update about what's happening in Petra town.

I'm really rather busy with my studies now, and quite often stressed out. My main concerns are two translation courses (one in English-Finnish and one in Finnish-English), and my Proseminar course. I don't know if the universities in other countries do this kind of thing, but here in Finland the university students have to write a thesis of about 20 pages or more as part of their Bachelor's Degree. Usually this happens on the third year, but in my case it is happening now, technically on my fifth year, because I changed my major subject when I had been in the university for two years. But I have no regrets, and I'm happy I changed my major. I feel that my employment possibilities are far better now than when I was studying English Language instead of English Translation.

What I am most interested in right now is my proseminar thesis, also known as "kandi". We get to pick the subjects for the theses ourselves, as long as they have something to do with translation studies and/or linguistics. My subject is "Translating the Lesbian Language from English to Finnish in Alison Bechdel's Comic Dykes to Watch Out For". I'm rather excited, more excited than on any other school-related thing right now. What makes it especially interesting is that, to my knowledge, there is no previous study conducted on Finnish lesbian language, and my English sources constantly disagree with each other :D If I ever get around to writing my Master's Thesis, I'm so going to be writing about a similar subject.

Heh. You know, this entire lj entry is complete and utter procrastination. I should be editing my Finnish-English translation on beer + tourist brochures. Oh well, I'm allowed a break to, er, train my critical eye. Yes. As long as I get most of the editing done today, hopefully during the next half an hour or so. The deadline of the translation is tomorrow at noon, and I don't know how much work I can get done in the evening because the English and English translation students are going to have a pre-Christmas party, or pikkujoulut. A traditional (Finnish?) party that's pretty much an excuse to get wasted and make an arse of yourself, but I've discovered an absolutist can enjoy them too :D

But I suppose I should go back to my translation now and not ramble about my "student career" on the lj :P I can't promise any constant updates but it's not like everyone's holding their breath waiting for my journal entries :D Ta tah.

STRESS.

Stress and I couldn't give a damn about anything.

Nevertheless, I'll take my laptop to the campus, hoping that I'll get something done. Will probably skip a writing class because it's not important and I have three deadlines to meet next week and they're sort of big-ish deadlines.

God. Why do I have so little energy now that I have so much stuff to do?

I don't know if it's the darkness or frustration or the tiredness or the thoughts that you know you'll never tell anyone (except maybe under hypnosis or torture, but right now neither of those seem very likely), but sometimes you just don't feel that you could bother with anything, really.

But that doesn't matter because no matter what you feel like doesn't matter because work and other things need to be done, damn it.

And no, I won't say I'm sorry for feeling emo sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm apologizing for too many things, even if I shouldn't be doing that. Sometimes, you just need to post your feelings somewhere because otherwise they would just rot inside you for too long a time and make you feel miserable. I have the right to feel bad every now and then.

Whatever. To the shower now.

Oh my. We had a magnificent Halloween party with other language and translation students yesterday. There was a little less people there than before but the villa where the party is always held was still full of people in most interesting outfits and the overall volume got eventually very high :P I swear my ears were ringing a bit when I left around midnight (a bit early maybe, but we did start around 7-8 pm).

And the costumes were just awesome :D I'm not posting pics of other people now, though I might later on under a friends lock. But there was a very convincing red devil, Jesus, male Maleficent, a guestbook, the Crow, Rincewind, Harry Potter, a witch burning victim, rabid werewolf, Duff Man, bar wench and all sorts of other things :D

( I just put on make-up and painted on one of my cheapest shirts and decided after that that my costume is that of a zombie :P )

And today there's going to be a pub quiz in the evening :D

Would anyone like to come to my house and cook me fried fish and mashed sweet potatoes and maybe corn?

I could pay by drawings and translations.

Well, will you look at that? I drew and uploaded stuff for the first time in several months.

http://cyllaniel.deviantart.com/art/Piu-Piu-Psssht-141127007

Just hadn't felt like uploading anything. Today was a boring evening. I was watching Dark Knight.

----

Also, I just discovered "Reaper" in on Finnish TV. After midnight, lol. Sure, it has the Devil but it's not like it's the most hardcore stuff TV has to offer.

I got a package from Carmen's Mom today :) A late birthday present, made of awesome: rice crispie squares, cookies, candy, a coca cola bucket and a Canada T-shirt. I feel spoiled :) I gave Carmen's Mom a call and chatted for quite a bit, she's very nice to talk to and it was good to hear about goings-on.

Okay, this is really bothering me. It's such a trivial matter but I can't stop thinking about it.

I remember that some years ago, someone wrote... some fandom thing. It might have been a Harry Potter parody or something else, but I do remember that they used the Silence of the Lambs quote:

"It rubs the lotion on its skin."

And I can't remember what the text was or who wrote it and it's driving me crazy D:

Does anyone have a magnificent photographic memory or something?

( I felt like wasting my time with a meme now that I'm finished with my translation assignment on wine tasting :P )

I really feel like cooking something vegetable-based, exotic, cheap and tasty. Possibly with avocado or peanut butter or curry. Mm.

*dance dance dance*

I've been reading my livejournal entries from 2007-2008, and it feels quite strange that their tone in general seems to be pretty cheerful and optimistic. Of course, this might be because I didn't feel the need to report the every bad mood I had, but they are rather inspirational to me now. How egocentric is it that I am my own inspiration?

Anyway, I've been feeling rather down quite often lately. I don't know the precise reasons for this, which is nothing new. Most times when I'm feeling blue or down or sad, there's no logical reason for it. I just am not feeling well inside. But now my old LJ entries have reminded me of a promise I once made to myself: that no matter how hard managing at school, being social or succeeding in life may be, I would always try to be happy. I would not feed my personal depressions, but instead focus all my strength into achieving happiness. I would remember my philosophy that everything is beautiful in some way if you look and think hard enough. I would not the stress, the darkness, the coldness or the loneliness get to me and instead be happy with what I have.

It can be very hard to live with this kind of life philosophy sometimes, when you feel like nothing's going your way. But I need to remember the things that are good. Even if I sometimes think otherwise, I am not completely stupid. I can also be rather social if I try hard enough, and I can even be sweet. After years in university, I am finally starting to write my BA thesis, and it's on a subject that I find interesting. I am out of the closet for my friends and most of my family, excluding the grandparents. And most importantly of all, I have a sweet, intelligent and loving girlfriend. The distance does suck, that is true, but it is only the matter of time (and occasionally of money) when we'll see again.

So, note to self: Don't be sad because you're cool, smart and loved, even if it was your period <3

Time for a music shuffle meme because I'm bored, have nothing else to do, and just finished making the draft of the first research plans for my BA essay.

( And I found the meme simply by googling for shuffle meme. )

If you were reading my entries last summer, you might have noticed me mentioning that I was working with disabled kids in Canada. I made loads of friends, both with the kids and their workers, and last summer became a really important part of my life.

Yesterday, I heard that one of the other workers died. Apparently, she had a blood clot in her lung that traveled to her heart and she died. She was only 52.

She had one daughter and 4 grand children, and she was a really important and loved amongst the workers and the disabled kids. She was a fun person, and I'll always remember one of the kids (a man over 30, actually) asking loudly where she was because he wanted his coffee, and she always brought coffee with her.

She will be missed enormously, and it feels awful to know I'll never see her again.

Bought a pair of shoes/boots to cheer myself up. I kind of love them and they were only 3 euros at the flea market.


Please to ignore the house pants and the price tag.

My kingdom for company.

I've been trying to fill my days with studying, exercise and walking around the town, but sometimes, especially on weekends, I can't help but being a bit lonely. And then I get emo and that's just embarrassing.

Also, my neighbours are weirdos who are drumming bongo drums and singing Pretty Woman at 11.30 pm, loudly.

Sorry, I rarely write anything to the LJ anymore and when I do write something, it's something as stupid as this. Ah well, at least it's short :)

YES!!

Like the best song ever!



And the video is cute too :)

Everyone remember Elouai Candybar Doll Maker? I decided to play around with it :P


Ca, c'est moi~

On other news, I'm feeling better now. Thanks to everyone who made me feel better :) I'm also visiting my family in Tampere from today until Sunday. I know it's early at this point of study year, but whatever. I kind of need company.

I dunno... I'm just feeling pretty down all of sudden. I suppose there are more than one reasons for this. Not big reasons or anything, but together they affect my mood. For one thing, there's school: I don't even have my BA yet, and I'm 24. My studies take a while longer because I changed my major and the course scheduling just sucks, but still. There are many people out there getting jobs, earning money and making families while I'm sitting in my student apartment doing an assignment for the Introduction to Translating Professional Language. And you know what? BAs might not be considered all that great in Finland or Europe in general, but after I get mine, I'll just start looking for a job in Canada. I have no desire of becoming a student for life, and frankly, I'm pretty much sick of being a student. I have pretty much no social life here because I'm a self-conscious bookworm and unlike some people who go partying every Friday and still get good grades, I have to cram to get the grades that I want. Also, I miss Carmen terribly. Most of the time these days I can see her only a couple of times a day. I hate being this emotional, maybe it's just hormones but. Whatever.

My right leg has been acting up lately. I'm going to go see if the school nurse can take a look at it. I'm a bit concerned because until she had a surgery, my mom had problems with her hip and her legs, and my gran still has same kind of problems. I don't know if you can inherit stuff like that but I feel that it's better to make sure. Interestingly enough, I didn't notice the soreness before I came back to Finland. Could it be that the more cold climate has something to do with it? My left ankle is also sore, which is strange because I haven't twisted it or anything. I don't know if I walk the wrong way or something.

I'm not liking this morning very much.

Ever since I cam back to Finland from Canada, I haven't been exercising as much as I should, probably because I got so used to the Wii game My Fitness Coach there. Or maybe I'm just lazy. So after a few days of being rather lazy in Joensuu and going for a run only once, I spied a note of women's thai boxing class (or lady thai) that was to start today, on Friday. As I greatly enjoy boxing on Wii Fit, I decided to give it a go.

And boy, did I notice that I'm out of shape yet again. The boxing and kicking wasn't bad, but the warm up, the warm up. I was rather surprised I managed to walk back home :P Just means that I'll really have to become active and start building up my stamina on my own, as there is only one lady thai class per week, and next week's class has been canceled. But even if I'm half dead now, I will go to the next class. Compared to some, I'm not in such a good shape, but at least I'm willing to train myself, and that counts as something, right? Also, I really like the kicking :P

I'm going to be so sore tomorrow. Now I shall have tea.